{"id":787,"date":"2020-04-07T20:06:23","date_gmt":"2020-04-07T18:06:23","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/blogg.land.se\/abborrbergslouise\/?p=787"},"modified":"2020-04-07T20:06:23","modified_gmt":"2020-04-07T18:06:23","slug":"sorgen-ar-randig","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/blogg.land.se\/abborrbergslouise\/sorgen-ar-randig\/","title":{"rendered":"Sorgen \u00e4r randig"},"content":{"rendered":"

Sorgen \u00e4r som en randig gardin. Ibland \u00e4r den av tyll. B\u00f6ljande i vinden, n\u00e4stan vacker och sval n\u00e4r minnena sveper \u00f6ver mig. Ibland \u00e4r den kompakt och sl\u00e4pper knappt igenom ljuset. Som ett vinr\u00f6tt tungt draperi i sammet. S\u00e5 k\u00e4nns den.<\/p>\n

Sorgen sipprar ut lite h\u00e4r och d\u00e4r. N\u00e4r jag minst anar det. Som idag, n\u00e4r bilen kr\u00e5nglade och jag kortsl\u00f6t batteriet p\u00e5 den n\u00e4r jag skulle byta till ett nytt. Jag halade upp telefonen ur fickan och vant knappade jag mig fram till pappas telefonnummer bland mina favoriter. Jag skulle precis trycka p\u00e5 bilden med honom, i rutig skjorta framf\u00f6r milan i Gruvskogen, n\u00e4r det slog mig att han inte finns l\u00e4ngre. D\u00e5 sv\u00e4mmade \u00f6gonen \u00f6ver. Jag sparkade h\u00e5rt i bild\u00e4cket och svor \u00f6ver att han l\u00e4mnat mig just nu. Nu n\u00e4r jag beh\u00f6ver honom s\u00e5 mycket.<\/p>\n

Den d\u00e4r doften som alltid satt i hans rutiga skjortor n\u00e4r jag var yngre. Lite skog, lite spillolja och lite svett i en perfekt balans. Trygghet. Jag saknar den. Jag saknar hans lugna r\u00f6st, kloka ord och bullrande skratt. Hans enormt stora h\u00e4nder som k\u00e4ndes str\u00e4va och starka n\u00e4r han h\u00f6ll i mina. Jag saknar min pappa.<\/p>\n

\"\"
Pappa och jag vid en f\u00e4bod i Lima, Dalarna, h\u00f6sten 1981.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

Jag beh\u00f6ver fr\u00e5ga om bilen, om potatislandet jag h\u00e5ller p\u00e5 att gr\u00e4va, om nya datorn, som han \u00e4nd\u00e5 inte skulle begripa sig p\u00e5. Men vi hade kunnat tr\u00e4ta lite om det.<\/p>\n

Min pappa. De sista \u00e5ren k\u00e4mpade han i sin stora kropp. Den som alltid varit s\u00e5 stark och trygg. Den som svek honom.<\/p>\n

Han var ingen kyrkans man, min far. Men i skogen med ett fiskesp\u00f6, ett gev\u00e4r eller f\u00f6r all del en gitarr p\u00e5 ryggen, d\u00e4r trivdes han som b\u00e4st. Han har tonsatt en dikt av en man som heter Gunnar Ehne. Den ska spelas p\u00e5 hans begravning. Och jag kan inte t\u00e4nka mig en mer l\u00e4mplig s\u00e5ng f\u00f6r min \u00e4lskade pappa \u00e4n denna, som b\u00f6rjar s\u00e5h\u00e4r;<\/p>\n

”Har du n\u00e5n skog i din himmel, du Gud<\/em><\/p>\n

till att g\u00e5 i en finer kv\u00e4ll<\/em><\/p>\n

En tocken d\u00e4r gammel skog, du vet<\/em><\/p>\n

med sm\u00f6rsopp \u00e5 kantarell…”<\/em><\/p>\n

Sorgen \u00e4r randig. Sorgen inneb\u00e4r saknad. Saknad betyder att man l\u00e4ngtar efter n\u00e5gon man \u00e4lskar. Och som jag \u00e4lskar dig pappa. Bortom de bl\u00e5nande bergen och hela l\u00e5nga v\u00e4gen tillbaka.<\/p>\n

Var r\u00e4dda om varandra \/\/ Louise<\/p>\n

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Sorgen \u00e4r som en randig gardin. Ibland \u00e4r den av tyll. B\u00f6ljande i vinden, n\u00e4stan vacker och sval n\u00e4r minnena sveper \u00f6ver mig. Ibland \u00e4r den kompakt och sl\u00e4pper knappt igenom ljuset. Som ett vinr\u00f6tt tungt draperi i sammet. S\u00e5 k\u00e4nns den. Sorgen sipprar ut lite h\u00e4r och d\u00e4r. N\u00e4r jag minst anar det. Som…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":356,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[11],"tags":[80,121,17,120,122,4],"yoast_head":"\nSorgen \u00e4r randig - Ruth Louise<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/blogg.land.se\/abborrbergslouise\/sorgen-ar-randig\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"sv_SE\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Sorgen \u00e4r randig - Ruth Louise\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Sorgen \u00e4r som en randig gardin. Ibland \u00e4r den av tyll. B\u00f6ljande i vinden, n\u00e4stan vacker och sval n\u00e4r minnena sveper \u00f6ver mig. Ibland \u00e4r den kompakt och sl\u00e4pper knappt igenom ljuset. Som ett vinr\u00f6tt tungt draperi i sammet. 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